You are on your own…

I have been married to a picky eater for almost 25 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, Sean was more versatile in his food habits. He ate a little chicken, a meatball sub now and then, some swordfish on special occasions. He never loved non veg fare but he still ate it occasionally. We could go to a restaurant and he could order fish or a chicken dish. Then India destroyed it for me. We moved to India for 6 years and he discovered vegetarian delight – more specifically North Indian veg delights – dal, paneer makhni, garlic naan. After our stint in Delhi we came back to US with a more fussy Sean than ever before. Instead of expanding his culinary venture after being in a country with fascinating culinary culture, he retracted it. And my problems begun.

He gave up all kinds of meat including fish. For a vegetarian, he does not eat vegetables like cauliflower, mushroom, cabbage, peppers…..and the list goes on. He is very self sufficient and fends for himself at home unless I make his favorite food from the goodness of my heart. But it is always difficult to choose a restaurant to dine with him. Instead of looking for something that I would like to eat, I scan the menu for possibilities for Sean. Most restaurants have veggie entrès made of peppers or portabello mushrooms which are untouchables for him. So we move on to the next restaurant and the next. To be fair to him though, he always encourages me to go to the restaurant of my choice. “I will find something ” he says.

We went to New Orleans for a getaway without the kids a few years ago. This restaurant crisis became more acute in a city where even the red beans were cooked with sausage. I forlornly walked past one restaurant after another which boasted delicious non veg cuisine but had hardly any vegetarian choices. Finally we ended up at pizza places and a Mexican restaurant. IN NEW ORLEANS!!

Since the pandemic hit, we stopped eating out, of course. Now we have started ordering takeout. And I see something has shifted within me. I know he loves to eat at home so I don’t consider his choices of food from restaurants any more. The kids and I order kebabs, chicken wings, chicken 65 and wait for him to fix his own caprese sandwich. He prefers it this way and I do not care. He is on his own now. This realization hit me as I picked up sushi for lunch for the 3 of us with nary a thought about my husband. 😀

Lately, he has become vegan. First, he was a vegetarian who did not eat vegetables and now he is a vegan who still does not eat vegetables. I constantly tell him, “I can not cook for you anymore!” But guess what I did today, on my day off? I made vegan pesto and substituted cheese with nutritional yeast. No matter how many times I resolve to not cook food to cater to his taste, I end up looking for vegan recipes – that do not involve vegetables. Try it. It is a difficult task. These days, I make a lot of black beans, shallow fried falafels, dal, red lentil burgers, smoothies with frozen berries, spinach, oatmilk…

Why do I not leave him to make his own food? Two reasons. First, food, at the end of the day, is my love language. Second, if there is no food made he will unquestionably make peanut butter sandwiches for himself everyday. I can’t stand watching him cheerfully eating peanut butter sandwiches every single day! What is the joy of living if you don’t have variety in food? I am absolutely projecting my feelings on him but the fact stands, it bothers me to watch him left to his own culinary devices.

So I tell him “You are on your own, dude. I can’t cook for you any more.” He smiles. I let him eat peanut butter for a few days while I search for vegan recipes and then go back to cooking again.