This week has had its ups and downs. I have woken up extremely sad and unmotivated each morning. I have also dreamed of both my parents and strangely, I remembered the dreams. I never remember any of my dreams before. So I am counting that as one of my goods of the week.
My cousin sister came down from Boston to stay with me for a month. She and I grew up together along with her brother so we have many, many shared memories of my parents.
Reminiscing with her has brought smiles.
Sahana printed two vibrant photos of ma and baba. I have them on our coffee table. Looking at those photos make me happy. After a gloomy weekend, the sun is shining on their photos today.
We did a shanti pujo for them on Sunday at our local Kali temple.
The ritual gave me some peace and a sense of closure. This morning I did not wake up with debilitating sadness. The ritual was not heavy on religiosity but full of ideas, thoughts, metaphors and spirituality.
The few cousins who live in this country were there at the pujo and then came home with us.
I joined back to work mid week and took 2 days worth of training on race and justice. While I learnt a lot about the horrific history of injustice in this country, I realized my personal trauma is so recent I felt numb towards other people’s pain. I don’t know why I am writing this as ‘goods’ since I felt guilty about not feeling more deeply about injustice.
I look forward to going back to my library branch to work from June 1st. I think being back at work will keep me distracted.
I finished a John Grisham book last night. It almost took me a month but I did finish it.
I have to live on because I have a lot to live for.
I know my parents would want me to be happy. I will be….one day.
My husband, my children and my cousin sister along with my community of friends continue to be of great comfort.