We have been inundated with kindness since tragedy struck our family. Along with good wishes, prayers, and after ma’s death, beautiful and meaningful messages of condolences, our friends and community have given us abundant food. Ryan has been very excited about the food part of the kindness. Every time he finds something he likes, he blows a kiss upwards with a smile and says, “Thank you Didiya!” Sahana said didiya would be so happy to see Ryan well fed and satisfied. She loved to see Ryan eat since he enjoys food so much.
I have seen Sahana grieve. She cries often, and smiles with me at Didiya’s fun memories. She has been my grieving partner whenever I have had time to grieve in between arranging for baba’s care. Sean has grieved openly as he held me in his arms and let me soak his shirt with my tears. Ryan is the only one who has retreated in his room. When we got the phone call at night all of us congregated on our bed. Ryan sat there for a long time while the three of us cried. I do not recall if he shed any tears. Then he went to his room. Since then he is less sullen and often compiles fun animal videos to show me. He also asks, “Mom do you need something?”
Today I had an opportunity to ask him how he is coping with didiya’s death. He said with a quiet conviction that didiya now is free. She is not stuck in that house with her mobility issues and health problems any more. She can go wherever she wants, whenever she wants. “I am happy she is not suffering and she is free”, he said. Also it is simply a matter of time before I will see her again. I know I will see her, you will see her. So we just have to wait and be patient.”
Then he said, “And mom, look how strong you are! Didiya’s death showed you what a strong woman you are!”
I wish I could prove my strength some other way, but the conviction of seeing her again made me smile. I told him I feel her in my heart. And he concurred that is wonderful too.