50 was just another number till I went to my doctor for my physical. A little special perhaps, but still more or less another number like 49 or 51. But my doctor’s ‘wit’ hit home the truth. Wow, I made it to 50! She said, “Here is the slip for getting your colonoscopy done. And your bone density scan. Happy birthday!”
What does being 50 mean to me? I thought of this as I drove home from the doctor’s office.
Memories of youth have started fading so I try to think of them often, or write them here. My futile attempt to hold on to the beautiful ones and relinquish the ones that are not so beautiful.
Being 50 is looking at the mirror thinking, “I look darn good for a 50 year old” and then looking at a photo of me thinking “Jeez, look at those bags under my eyes!.”
Being 50 means insomnia often. But there are plenty of books to read so the quiet of night and sleeplessness bother me less. The tiredness on the following day does though.
Being 50 means seeming slow to my fast moving children when it comes to technology.
Being 50 means desire to travel intensifying – post Covid, of course.
Being 50 means being sad sometimes for no apparent reason.
Being 50 means not feeling invincible anymore.
Being 50 means glimpses of my mortality and surprisingly being unafraid of the thought.
Being 50 is losing myself in my memories of childhood, youth and young romance with my handsome beau.
Being 50 means realizing that my children need me less and less.
Being 50 means being picked up and twirled around by my 15 year old son when he realizes he is close to getting in trouble. I invariably laugh. He does not dare if he IS in trouble.
Being 50 is caring more for doing my part in the world AND caring less about slights/snubs/insults.
Being 50 is also being thankful for the opportunities that I have been given.
Being 50 is being freer in thoughts.
Being 50 is being confident.
Being 50 is creaking of joints.
Being 50 is groaning a little while getting up as the knee twinges.
Being 50 is being afraid of losing loved ones.
Being 50 is shedding superficial relationships.
Being 50 is enjoying silence.
Being 50 also means starting to think of how life will be in the next phase.
Being 50 is giving thanks to be alive on a gorgeous day amidst nature.
Being 50 means finally finding my “good side” for selfie, directed by the daughter of course.
Being 50 means not quite understanding how being 50 should feel!