I am a bully….

at work, or so I am told. I often hear my colleagues telling me “You are a bully.” I hope those words are spoken lovingly but lately I have wondered could there be a teensy bit of accusation in it? One day I was pondering upon my behavior and why it can look forceful to some who are not used to Bengali culture.

I invite everyone to eat together. I do have a golden retriever kind of energy. So my exuberant “Do you want to eat with us?” can seem too much. And I realize my energy can sometimes intimidate new people. Woah, tone it down lady!

My love language is food. I come from a culture where inviting people to break bread (or eat rice) is customary. We show love that way, even to strangers. I remember when visitors came in the afternoon, even after we had finished our lunch, ma or baba would say to them, “Kheye jao.” (Eat here). When I went to school, lunch time was special because we shared our tiffin. We bonded over food. In college, my friends and I would go to restaurants or the college canteen, pool our meager resources together, order what we could afford, and share everything. When I went to someone’s house, they insisted on feeding me too. The insistence bordered on bullying. But now, as I lose those people to eternal rest, I smile at their desire to heap food upon me. That was their way of showering their love.

It is in my culture to show appreciation, familiarity, love by inviting someone to the table. But I am not in Bengal. I sometimes forget I am in a country where my colleagues have had different upbringing. They may not want to eat with me or in a group. Many of them are introverted and want that 30 minutes of lunch time to recharge their people meter with some alone time. And my exuberance can seem like bullying.

Since I started self reflecting, I decided I am going to behave better, curb my enthusiasm, give people space, respect the culture here. Then I go to work, get genuinely happy seeing my coworkers, and ask, “When are we eating?” and “Come, eat with us!”

After the words leave my mouth, I think, “I failed. Again! I will try to behave tomorrow. “

Hope springs eternal.